1. Hey! ASL?
2. I'm 5'11", with blonde hair, green eyes, and a D cup.
3. I've been anorexic since 4th grade, so by now, I'm like SO HOT!
4. Wanna do "it"? you know, like over the internet?
5. No? Okay try this one:
6. My name is S.H.
7. You may have heard of me in school.
8. Yeah - didn't your teacher used to look at you, and go "Sh!"
9. I like poetry,
10. Long walks on the beach
11. and candlelit dinners.
12. I enjoy all three at least four nights a week.
13. And I have two steamy lovers.
14. What you called my bluff?
15. Yeah okay. Want the real scoop?
16. I'm short.
17. And opinionated
18. And rude, sometimes, just for the fun of it.
19. I'm not hooked on sugar, candy, or chocolate.
20. I *might* be addicted to McDonald's
21. I like yoga.
22. I like Football
23. Not Basketball
24. Not Soccer
25. Not Golf
26. But I'm ambivalent on Baseball
27. and Hockey
28. I believe that a who is a who, no matter how small.
29. I think that humans shouldn't be condemned to death by starvation.
30. There are people of faith that I admire for their consistency and love
31. There are people of faith that I despise for their hypocrisy and pride
32. Despising them makes me one of them, doesn't it?
33. For all the flack he takes, Bush did the right thing in Iraq and Afghanistan.
34. On the other hand, it's "NUCLEAR". There is not, in fact a vowel between the "c" and the "l". For godssake
35. There is nothing like donning a trashy outfit and going to a country music concert.
36. Unfortunately, my boy doesn't share my love of country music.
37. For some reason, I crave comfort and stability
38. Sometimes this conflicts with my hatred of boredom. 
39. I like hot tea
40. Hot tea is soothing
41. But so is tequila.
42. And tequila is WAY more fun.
43. I can actually pin point the very best kiss I've ever had.
44. It happened on an April 28th.
45. I'm lucky enough to be with the guy it was with.
46. I have a Harry Potter baking tin.
47. The cake comes out looking like Harry Potter's face.
48. Well, I assume it would.
49. But I don't know because I don't cook.
50. Although I have been told that I make a mean asparagus cream soup.
51. If I lived a life of luxury, I would have perfect legs and a garden.
52. And a killer blog.
53. And fabulous shoes. 
54. I love scary as helll movies
55. If you're actually reading this
56. leave the word "blue" in the comment section
57. Because I don't think that anybody actually cares about these things, except for the people who get to write about themselves.
58. I have no idea what sort of wedding I'll have, what my colors will be, or what my dress will look like. No clue.  
59. I have a friend who is as fabulous as she is caring, wise, and loyal. I am lucky to have her, and I miss her.
60. I hate that society pressures everybody to "be in love". 
61. Sometimes I wonder if everyone who claims to be "in love" actually is
62. ...or if they're pretending
63. because they're supposed to.
64. My bedroom is a mess
65. I think I was a goddess or a queen in a previous life.
66. There is no doubt in my mind that I was at the very least worshipped by the masses
67. Now that society has advanced, I look for that adulation in a relationship.
68. THAT make me a healthy partner. *snicker, snicker, snicker*
69. I take it back. My bedroom isn't a mess, it's a disaster.
70. I am an artist
71. I use clay
72. and paint
73. and charcoal
74. and pastels
75. (how many do I have left?)
76. and pen / ink
77. I don't know what my favorite color is.
78. I come from a very healthy family
79. I have a wicked sense of humor
80. I'm a leo
81. My S.A.T score was either 20 points higher or lower than 1500.  
82. There are members of my extended family that I dislike.
83. I think that "love" has to be more than a feeling. It has to be a committment
84. I think that the fact that I can blow half a day creating a list about myself says something very bad about me.
85. I think introspection and solipsism are two enormous problems in our society today.
86. Yes, that what I think I think about it. Although, I might consult my opinion before I go expressing my opinions.
87. I have a great boss
88. and a great employee
89. and great knockers
90. yeah. I said it.
91. I love my job.
92. I love my boy.
93. I love my faith.
94. I love my friends.
95. I love my house.
96. I think it's important to stand up for the defenseless
97. whether they're unborn
98. whether they're kitten's attacked with shovels 
99. whether they're children who are hurt by those who *ought* to be willing to give their lives to defend them
100. I think people ought to be allowed to use force to protect themselves, and their families, and the ones they love.
101. I think that it doesn't matter what I think.

1. If yesterday, you happened to excercise for the first time in, say, forever, for godssake: stretch. 

2. It is hard to distinguish my hangover pain from my "day after excercise" pain.

3. Moving hurts. Thinking makes me cranky.

4. For this reason, I am avoiding public places right now. Some little girl would be all "Look Mommy! Frankenstein!" And I'd be all "Shut up, you ugly stupidface."

5. Being maced by an angry mom would only exacerbate my condition.  

6. I'm afraid Jnuts is mad at me. But he shouldn't be. I admire the cheapness of his... thingy.

7. Today is a good day to watch Southpark the movie...

8. ...several times...

9. ...just to begin being cheerful

10. Happy Friday.

1. Keeping any plant alive under my care

2. Getting my a$$ into a size 2 pair of Levis

3. Convincing Nancy Pelosi to donate to Operation Rescue

4. Getting blog hits without using the following words in every post: "penis", "tits", "ass", "boobs", "sex", "fuck!ng", and "piercings"

5. Quitting smoking

6. Getting a candle to burn evenly, on all sides, without spilling wax half-way through.

7. Hating puppies

8. Getting up the first time the alarm goes off.

9. Keeping a straight face when someone pretentious trips over the sidewalk

10. Liking cats.  

1. Aragorn is WAY hotter than Legolas.

2. Eomer, however, can have me in any way that he wants me. And how. (Love, count your blessings that he's not real. Also, have you considered going into the horse industry. Now that would be hot.)

3. Elf chick - what's her name? - Arwen. Yeah, she's a p*ssy. Way to stand by your man, honey. You show up in the first flick, head to Elf-Canada during the draft, and manage to re-appear in time to claim your half of his crown. Gold digging power hungry bee-atch.

4. Gimli proves that even a "small man" can do wonders as long as he has the right tools. Right JA?

5. Seriously, Sam: come out, or cut it out. The deep, longing gazes with Frodo are starting to make even this ardent Tolkien fan wonder about whether Rosie Cotton is just your cover story.  I mean, he even has a gender-non-specific name! Maybe he's a woman!!! That would explain SO much.

6. Harder than driving, singing on key, or reciting the balphabet ackwards - far and away the hardest thing to do when you're drunk is read Tolkien. Period.

7. Gimli looks like Willie Nelson. Except short. And Fat. But the whole long red hair, braids, and beard thing kinda triggers some reminders., I guess. In the back of my mind, I half-expect to see Gimli running up a hill in Middle Earth with a cigarett dangling of his hand and a guitar on his back.  

8. Frodo. Your eyes make me want to rush out and get sprinkled with holy water. Brrrr...so damn creepy.

9. "The fact that most people think Elrond is trying to take over the matrix kinda ruins his character a bit." (Thanks, Sam)

That's it for now. Feel free to add your own Tolkien musings to the comment section. Limited publicity and linkage to your site will be sent from blog-god-heaven to those who contribute little nuggets of cleverness in my comment section. Have a good day.

1. Every once in a while, the federal government proves that it can do something useful.
2. By useful, I do not mean funding starving artists, or regulating Nebraska classrooms from a basement office on Capitol Hill. I do mean preventing fatal spousal abuse in Florida.
3. My thighs are way too big. If I end up comatose, I want to be on a 20 calorie a day diet, until I hit my target weight of 110. Then they can put in a feeding tube.  
4. Jack Bauer is a badass. I luuuuuuv him.
5. Number 3 was probably in very poor taste. But hey, if Calista Flockhart can be skinny and braindead, so can I.
6. I bought fabulous new shoes. They're pink crocadile skin, and have dainty little heels. I feel like a goddess when I wear them.
7. I just checked the mirror. My blasted ankles are way too big. Someone oughta take out my feeding tube. Immediately. 
8. Number 6 was probably in poor taste. She can't be totally braindead, as she managed to land Harrison Ford. But then again, he gets arroused by skeletons, so she had that working in her favor.
9. Having two cell phones doesn't make me a workaholic. Working a million hours a week makes me a workaholic. How much free time do I have? Million... week... you do the math.  
10. Number 6 was definitely in poor taste. I would apologize to Harrison Ford, except I don't care about him anymore. The Star Wars movies no longer have any use for him, and Keifer Sutherland is my new fabulous fantasy dream puff.
11. Dream puff rhymes with cream puff. Which I have to stop eating. Tomorrow. Anyway, if I go comotose, I insist that NO cream puffs be put into my feeding tube. Only whole grain breads and organic produce.

Bwahahahaha. Yes, I am in a very sniiiide mood. Smithers, bring me some poor, unsuspecting victim that I can make fun of.

Yes, that should make me happy.