When you read the above subject line, you have to do it in your most Jack Nicholson voice, complete with creepy grin, and wild eyes.

Why? Because real news has come up with a plot that the twilight zone would have loved to think of.

It's a grotesque tale of two feather-dusted cities, one in Texas and one in Australia, where residents have been morbidly shocked by the completey unexplained deaths of thousands of birds.

As Texans take politics very seriously, one San Antonio reporter immediately jumped on the correlations between recent business and voting conducted in the State House and the numbers and positions of the dead bird. Could it be true? Eh, I'll bite. I love the Stephen King Plot line as much as the next person. Give me a martini, love, and I'll savor the tingles of the alcohol and freak myself out listening to your ghost stories for hours.

My money is on bio weapons testing. Especially since as of Wednesday,we can add Colorado to the mystery list.

And it's apparently the emerging color of choice for weapons.

I've known for quite sometime that in the Southeast part of the good ol' US of A, a lass can purchase a firearm with a pink handle.

Outrageous? Maaaaaybe. I personally think it's sexy. Maybe the only thing that sexes up the gun debate more than that is a group called the Pink Pistols. You go girls.

And now? Pink Tasers. Life is so good.

Periods suck, to be sure. And big boobs can certainly garner unwelcome attention.

A girl's parents had her uterus, and breasts removed to save her the discomfort and inconvenience that such (disposable?) organs can cause. They increased her levels of oestrogen to stop her from growing any larger - skeletally. She was six at the time.

It sounds horrific, until you discover that Ashley is a severly brain-dmamged. Her parents pursued this course of treatment (now being described as the "Ashley Treatment" to save their daughter, who they say has the mental awareness of a baby, from not only discomfort, but also from attracting sexual abuse from caretakers.

There is no doubt in my mind that they acted with love and care for their daughter. But something about the whole procedure makes me a little sick to my stomach. At what point does protection become unreasonable? Should we look past the motivtions of the parents and focus only on the actual medical actions, or can the two even be separated?

It also makes me wonder what other circumstances will become acceptable for parents mutilating a child's body to protect against potential future inconveniences.

Watching the news, there's a huge stir over Saddam Hussein's photograph portraying him in his skivvies.

The question that keeps coming up is "How will this public humiliation affect the way that Saddam's supporters view or treat Americans?"

I'm sure that's a very interesting question. But personally, I think that for people who like Saddam, well, we're probably already on their bad side. 

But I actually like the picture. I think it show two very important things:

1. Talk about good treatment. Here is a known terrorist. He's being kept clean. He's being kept safe. This is not a picture of ratty clothes and a dingy dungeon. It's a picture of a very bad man being kept in a fair, just way.
2. It re-enforces to the Arab world that Saddam is not a larger-than-life entity that will always be above the law. He's a human. A male. He's wearing briefs in his jail cell.

 And by the way, I don't see this as public humiliation. Abu Ghraib was public humiliation. This is just a picture of a bad man in his panties. 

It seems that a mother mallard duck and her eleven darling ducklings made their home at the entrance to the United States Treasury Department.

A full-blown motorcade carried them to their new watery home!

Click Here! 

 

Today's quote: "We must never make our moments of inspiration our standard; our standard is our duty." -  Oswald Chambers

Scrappleface, as usual, hits the nail on the head.

"Mrs. Schiavo will be treated under law as if she had committed Mr. Peterson's crimes, and he will be treated as a healthy, but brain-damaged woman whose estranged husband controls her future." 

Imao was in good form, yesterday, with a very funny satire of federal politics.

Scott hid by the doorway and held up a stick ready to strike. When Harry Reid entered, Scott bashed him on the head.

"I knew he wasn't a true samurai!" Bush exclaimed.

"I never claimed to be!" Reid yelled, clutching his head.

"Worth checking, though."

Nancy Pelosi came right up to Bush's face and smiled. "I'm afraid we're not allowing your judges an up or down vote. This democracy experiment may have worked in Iraq, but that doesn't mean we're ready to try it Congress."

Bush backed away from her. "Ahh! It looks like she's trying to shoot her skull out of her face at me!"

It's under March 21. Also funny... their top ten list of the hardest top ten lists to write.

Enjoy.

Rushroom does a side by side that is worth a look. I love this guy.

Oh yeah. And protect the blogosphere.

He came for Christian, jews, blacks, women, children, workers, hippies, and countless others.  

Now, still not satisfied with his efforts, the MAN sits behind his desk and says, "who can I persecute next?" He thinks hard, knuckles cracking as he drums his ancient fingers on his stone desk. Gazing up at a copy of the Bill of Rights (which he uses as a dart board) he loses himself in thought.

An idea lights up his face, and he calls his finger-puppet minion, the Chairman of the FEC.

"Go get the bloggers." he growls. "Take away the last domain of truly free speech." Of course, the FEC chairman obeyed dutifully.

Sure, we could take it up the seat, (like the FEC Chairman probably does) or we can fight the MAN.

Your call.

Today, Jnuts posted a nauseating story of the torture and abuse of little animals.

In contrast, this story will warm your heart.

Some humans lack the capacity to show compassion to even the most innocent among us.

Others see through guilt, hatred, and confusion. They find a way to selflessly give care and council to even the most wretched souls.

The contrast will knock you on your seat.  

March 15th is the official "Eat an Animal for PETA" Day.

Some animal lovers may get excited about this, because they think it refers to fellatio. That is just more evidence that radical animal lovers are every bit as screwed up as carnivorous humans (like me) think they are.

By Eat an Animal, I mean treat yourself to a 16oz filet mignon, cooked medium rare. Make sure they wrap it in bacon before they cook it, and savor each red, juicy bite.   

How would you respond to a coach who asked to lick the blood off your wounds?

oh soooooo creepy.

In all the debates as to whether or not tiny human parts were visible in this sewage, no one has debated the toxic truth:

Abortions are brutal. They create human "waste" by poison and dismemberment.

Whether or not this lady actually saw little legs, little feet, little hands, is irrelevant.

If the abortion "clinic" is abiding by the laws of man and disposing of them properly - treating tiny, butchered humans as medical waste - so what?

Like the lady said: it may be legal, but it isn't right.

So, they successfully removed the extra head off this precious little baby. But I can't help thinking that maybe - just maybe - they were a little too hasty.

We all know those people. Idiots. People with "an empty room upstairs". Those of whom Roxy Hart sings, "with just one more brain, what a half-wit he'd be..."

I mean, come on. As if you needed a sign from above... how much more of a sign do you need than actually seeing a person who was designed with two heads.

Don't you think they ought to have waited for the first IQ test or report card before they decided to scrap the "extra" gray matter?

Damn Steven Barbee.

He lived a double life, shrouded in secrets. His lady-friend, Lisa Underwood and her 2 children, Jayden (7) and the unborn one, are now dead.

Double lives, secrets, the deceit and denial of conscience that goes into sustaining the lies, leads to the death of conscience and morality in that individual.

The situation makes me pause. It really scares me. 

Lisa didn't plan to get murdered. Steven probably didn't begin his trek down a life of lies thinking, "gee, this will probably scar my conscience to the point that I kill three people. yay!"

But it happened. 

I used to live a life of duplicity. Not that I had a marriage or anything that sorded in my closet, but I had secrets. And they're not terribly light secrets. I've hurt people who loved me.  I've lied to people who trusted me. I've played. I've manipulated. I've cheated. I've allowed past behavior to be guided by fear, selfishness, and pride.

Granted, much of that is in my past. But I wonder, how much of that lies latant in my nature. suppressed by new circumstances. (Or perhaps those past actions were a mutation of my nature brought about by past circumstances) I wish I knew. Will time tell? Will I have a revelation confirming the "nature of my nature" one way or the other? 

The lesson? Do not allow your conscience to be numbed by repeated abuses. Guard it carefully. After all, it may be the only thing standing between you and a breaking news story.